Until you found someone to settle down with, life is a repetitive cycle of getting to know someone new, getting used to them, getting sick of them, or getting infatuated with them, getting attached to them, and getting heartbroken or letting go. Back to strangers.
That has been the case for me. My first relationship, it was still okay, cos we were in same time zone. When I went to New Zealand, long distance was bearable because we were both students. Just have to set a time that works for both of us, so we can call each other and stay connected. But, of course, being apart creates insecurities and we relied too much on technology to build the trust. Common problems:
1. Whatsapp - bluetick.You started to care who blueticked each other the most. You started to show you are mad at the person by just blueticking them and hoping they took hints. You were mad they just blueticked and didn’t reply eventhough they are online. Or you were mad your message wasn’t read eventhough the person was online.
2. Whatsapp - last seen. If the person last seen was way after they said they were going to sleep, you started wondering who they were texting with? If you hide your last seen, then it will appear as if you’re hiding something?
3. Whatsapp - status. If you got into a fight or upset about something, you would give hints by updating the status. If they didn’t realise it for a day, you started to think they’re not paying attention at all.
4. Find my friend? iPhone users would know this. But if you share location to each other, the other person would know where you’ve been to. Catch is, you must have internet for it to load. So, if you said you were going somewhere, then the other person would ask where you are going and see to it that you indeed went to the place mentioned.
5. Pictures - taking pictures, to prove that you were with whomever you said you were gonna be with.
6. Instagram - comments. If someone from opposite gender kept on commenting on your posted picture, they would want to know who they are. To gauge whether they are a threat or not.
Yeah, so basically above are common problems or childish things in long distance relationship. Me myself, had struggled with few of them. But I guess, I didn’t doubt him that much cos he never really make me ask him of his whereabouts, or who he was hanging out with, he gave me his class schedules, and login details to most of his stuff. Don’t get me wrong. I never asked for those, cos I don’t want him to get my access 😂 I’m such a private person yknow. But, he gave it to me without me even asking for it. So, I trusted him. As for him? I mean, he did asked me to do #4 but I just turn off the data when I was outside anyway 🤷🏻♀️
So, where does it goes wrong? Timezone, and different priorities.
There were moments, where I needed him most but he can’t be available. I.E., I was almost molested by a stranger that I invited into my house. Context was, this random passerby offered to help me with carrying a heavy parcel. I was too naive, and think everyone here was just friendly and nice. So I didn’t see that coming. It took me few moments to realise what almost happened, and I called him out of habit. When he didn’t pick up the phone, that was when I realised I was not okay, wanted him to comfort me, and need a shoulder to cry on. I have so much to say about sexual harassment, but will leave it to another post.
Priorities? I always put academic and career above him. I have my own study habit, and I have my own uni club that requires most of my free time dedicated to them. There was once, when I had to go for weekend conference at a place with nil reception. And when I came out of the place 3 days later, the phone blew up with missed calls and texts from him worried about me. I also got into a fight with him because I was still in a meeting with three guys in my house at 1am. To him, he doesn’t understand how I can be with three guys in my house that late? To me, it was because we were planning the whole year agenda, and library and common room was not open, so my house was the closest to uni. Besides, there was another girl with us. So, I won’t entertain his complain of my club activities, and he struggled to understand.
Haha I’m sorry this post has gone way too long! I guess I just have to properly close off this chapter by writing this down here 🤣 Trust me, I have completely moved on from my first relationship I had. Moral of story was, as a student, it was easier to do long distance because all we have was flexibility with time, but we can be too childish and focus on unnecessary things to appreciate it.
And now? If I were to get in a relationship, it’s hard. I met lots of guys, catch was?
1. I like him, he doesn’t like me enough.
2. He likes me, I didn’t.
3. We like each other, but share different religion
4. We like each other, but I struggled to relate to him. Because we grew up with different culture and language.
5. We like each other, but he is living in Malaysia or Singapore. With us both working, I will be awake when he is asleep, I will be working while he is resting, and I will be sleeping when he is free. I can be clingy, when I really like someone, so having the timing difference, will definitely made me less hopeful of him, and in the end, lose feelings.
6. We like each other, but he has has to move to different regions for work.
7. Everything was perfect, but I am not sure if we will have any future. Cos I want to settle down with someone, my family has no problem getting along with. And to do that, he must convert to Muslim, and learn Malay. Despite him willing to, I was not confident enough to guide him through it, and to go through his family.
Am I thinking too much? Or maybe I’m just not fated to be with anyone? The longer I am left alone by myself, I got used to be so independent, and like to be left alone. Should I give it a chance to love someone again? To be committed?
Hopefully, I’ll know the answer soon.
